The Ensign That Cried Borg


DANA QUELL

Disclaimer: The cast of Voyager does not belong to me, they belong to Paramount and TPTB. The birds in the park, however, do belong to me. No using them without my permission please! :) Note: My first fic in screenplay format. Be gentle.


The Ensign That Cried Borg
By Dana Quell

I
Interior, Bridge.

JANEWAY
And the bridge is now in your hands for the night. Think you can handle it?

ENSIGN KIM
I think so, Captain.

JANEWAY
Good. I’ll be in the holodeck if you need me. But there shouldn’t be any problems.

ENSIGN KIM
{clearly understanding her hidden meaning} Yes, ma’am.

JANEWAY
Good. {she leaves}

ENSIGN KIM
Well. Hmm. {he sits down in the command chair}

II
Exterior, Park. Birds are singing. Everything is green and lush.

JANEWAY
It’s wonderful to finally get some time away from work and relax.

CHAKOTAY
Kathryn, who are you trying to kid? I know you love ordering people around, Miss Bossy.
{both laugh}
But, I am really enjoying our time together.

JANEWAY
Me, too.

{Their eyes lock and they draw closer and closer together. Their lips are about to touch when…}

ENSIGN KIM [com]
Captain to the bridge. All hands, battle stations.

JANEWAY
{sighs and looks at Chakotay apologetically}
I’ll be right there.

III
Interior, Bridge. Red alert klaxons are sounding.

ENSIGN KIM
{as Janeway & Chakotay enter from the turbolift}
Captain, we’ve picked up a Borg ship on long range sensors.

CHAKOTAY
Borg? I’d thought we’d passed their space by?

ENSIGN KIM
So did I, until I picked up the ship.

JANEWAY
Let’s see it.

ENSIGN KIM
{starts laughing and slapping his thigh}
{in between gasping for air}
You fell for it…
Tom said you wouldn’t, but you did.

JANEWAY
What?

CHAKOTAY
There are no Borg around, Captain. It was a joke.

JANEWAY
{gives Harry the Death Glare}
You’ll be reprimanded formally tomorrow, Ensign.
{enters the turbolift. Chakotay follows suite}

IV
Exterior, same Park, same birds.

JANEWAY
Finally. Now, where were we?

CHAKOTAY
I think we were just about to kiss, Kathryn. We don't have to if you don't want... I'll understand it was just a moment thing-

JANEWAY
Shut up and kiss me, Chakotay. {Pulls him closer to her and kisses him}

{The kiss gives way to more deeper... um, necking, for lack of a better word}

ENSIGN KIM [com]
Captain to the bridge... Captain, I'm serious this time. We really have picked up a Borg signal.

JANEWAY
{Tears herself away from Chakotay & sighs}
This isn't a joke?

ENSIGN KIM [com]
No, I swear!

JANEWAY
We'll be right there.

V
Interior, Bridge. {Ensign Kim is already laughing his head off when Janeway and Chakotay enter}

JANEWAY
{takes note of the situation and gets a threatening menacing quality in her voice} Ensign!

CHAKOTAY
You've got some explaining to do.

ENSIGN KIM
{Between fits of laughter}
Tom said you wouldn't fall for it again... I guess I just proved him wrong!

JANEWAY
Didn't anyone ever tell you the story of the boy who cried wolf?

ENSIGN KIM
No.

JANEWAY
Chakotay will explain it to you when we get back on duty. Meanwhile, no more jokes!

ENSIGN KIM
{looks down at the console} Yes, ma'am.

CHAKOTAY
Good. {They exit, Harry's laughter ringing in their ears}

VI
Exterior, the same park, the same birds.

JANEWAY
Look, Chakotay, before we get interrupted AGAIN, I'd just like to tell you something.

CHAKOTAY
Kathryn-

JANEWAY
{cuts him off}
Chakotay, I love you.

CHAKOTAY
Really? That's great! {wearing a big, stupid grin on his face}

JANEWAY
{waits, hopefully} Now don't you have something to tell me?

CHAKOTAY
Oh, right. I love you too, Kathryn.

JANEWAY
Mmmm, come here. {they proceed to continue making out, and soon Chakotay's hands start roving underneath her shirt.}

ENSIGN KIM [com]
Captain! Captain to the bridge! I'm serious, there really are Borg out there!

JANEWAY
{Reluctantly breaks away from Chakotay}
Ensign, I thought I told you no more jokes.

ENSIGN KIM [com]
You did, but this is no joke! Please, I'm serious.

JANEWAY
You know, there's an old saying. 'Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.' I don't even want to think about the third time.

ENSIGN KIM [com]
But Captain!

JANEWAY
No buts, Harry, I'll displine you later. Janeway out. {taps the badge}

CHAKOTAY
{suggestively} Oh, Kathryn.... {waggles his eyebrows}

JANEWAY
{waggles her own eyebrows, then pulls him towards her and takes off his shirt}

{They get so involved in doing what they're doing that they never notice the Borg that come to the holodeck to assimilate them}

The End


Yeah, I know they acted out of character, but I took some comedic license, ok?