Should

Dear Diary,
Today I did
the stupidest thing
in the history of the world.
Well, maybe not the world.
The universe.
I screwed over 
someone I love
for something 
my hormones told me to do.
And now I regret it.
Frell.
I should've known this would happen.
We should've known this would happen.
My brain forgets to think.
If it remembers, 
it forgets to tell me.
And if it remembers that,
I forget to listen.
Frell.
I should've been an elephant.
Frell.
It shouldn't have felt
so right
when it was 
so wrong.
It shouldn't have been
in the first place.
Frell.
I should have a time machine.
I don't think 
I'd go to the future
but I would go to the past.
Maybe to fix it so I was never born.
Maybe.
Frell.
Shouldn't the world
be better off without me
anyway?